Kindness In a Toothpick

Have you ever had something in your teeth during a meeting where you were smiling the whole time and no one told you? I have. And it’s quite embarrassing.

I find there are two camps of people. Those that motion to you so you can do something about it and those that just sit quietly because they don’t want to embarrass you. Both are kind gestures with two very different outcomes.

This is an interesting scenario for me because it’s a lot like leadership. If a leader doesn’t give you the hard facts to let you know something is off then how will you know and therefore, improve?

If a leader observes you going off track time and time again and doesn’t point it out to you because they are trying to be kind- you may not know you are going in the wrong direction and will never arrive. There are so many stories about how terrible a leader is because they call a spade a spade when they see it. They are willing to risk not being liked- because they are trying to help. This often is perceived wrong… or dare I say…unkind? Delivery is everything and it’s in the HOW this is done that matters- no one wants to give or receive bad news- but it is an unavoidable action that needs to happen for improvement and resolution.

So what to do? Next time someone tells you have something is in your teeth at a meeting- don’t get mad at them. Thank them. It’s not easy to tell people things that are embarrassing or things they really don’t want to hear. And sitting idly by saying nothing at all may feel like being a friend… But it certainly isn’t being a leader.

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Hiring for an HR Director?

By Paula Fulghum • July 21, 2025

I’ve seen a lot of job postings lately for small to medium sized companies looking for an HR Director or Manager. Then, when you get into the details, it shows they are the sole person doing HR for the company- or maybe have an assistant. Does this mean they have a payroll department and/or a benefits department? That’s typical in large companies. Not typical in smaller ones that only have the budget for party of one. What’s eye catching for me is now this person is IT. One man band. Key holder to it all. What’s interesting for me is that HR people are like ice cream flavors- we all have our favorite. Is that flavor strategy? Is it training? Is it compliance? Is it recruiting? Is it payroll? Is it benefits? Neapolitan only has 3 flavors. Once you get past 3, you can’t really taste what’s in the ice cream anymore it’s really more of a mess. HR is much like this messy ice cream. One person isn’t good at it all and if they are they are one in a million & a small business can’t afford them. Or if they can- they won’t last long because that person will be bored in a heart beat. And if they are a good leader of a department and don’t have these detailed skill sets & delgate well- that’s great- but when your company is smaller- who are they going to delgate to? See the conundrum? I enjoy chocolate & peanut butter ice cream. It’s two flavors, I can taste both & I can rely on that. If you start adding in scoops of other flavors it gets a little muddy. But that’s OK- I have an entire team who’s good at what I’m not and I can have them jump in at any time. When you are party of one- that’s not possible. So if you are smaller but want more flavors, HR outsourcing is really the way to go. You get the best of both worlds at a fraction of the cost of a full time salary of one. And you don’t have to worry that your HR person doesn’t like strawberry ice cream when trouble happens and strawberry is the only flavor that will do.